Lack of support from spouse with Nutrisystem plan

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Hi, I need some advice (or commiseration). When I started on Nutrisystem 11 days ago, my husband was all supportive. Today, he seemed to have a hissy fit because he was "chained to the kitchen" due to having to make dinner for himself and the kids. Before we were married and after, until we had kids, he and I equally splilt dinner-making chores. After we had kids and they needed a regular schedule, I pretty much took over making dinner while he cleaned up.

I help with dinner a lot...I have prepared their side dishes and even made bruchetta (sp) for them tonight. HE decided to make a potato dish and I had bought pork chops for him to grill for them. I stuck to my Nutrisystem food..

Dinner was ruined for all of us due to his bad mood. After dinner, when the kids left the room, we had an argument about his behavior. Do you know what he said? He said, "I didn't TELL you to go on a diet." Yet this is the guy who expressed no shock when I came home from the doctor 3 weeks ago and said "The doctor said I put on 12 pounds just since November." In fact, his reponse was "Yes, I KNOW!" Does anyone have any advice/comments/kind words of encouragement? Thanks..

Comments (20)

Poor you it is tough when you don't get support from your partner. As long as you are still helping with the meals, I don't get why he is so upset. There is not much you can, I assume what he said was in the heat of the moment and does not mean that he is not happy you are doing something about your weight. Just do what you have to do and hope he gets it when he start seeing a change in your weight. Be strong!!!!.

Comment #1

That's awful! I'm sorry but your husband sounds like a spoil-sport. You just keep on keepin' on, this is for you, not him! If he wants to be sour and sabotage that's his business, you just choose not to listen. Soon a system should work itself out in due time. Until then, just stay strong and rock this program!.

Comment #2

Awww Sorry to hear you are not feeling supported by him..

Is it possible besides him possibly just being in a bad mood, that he may be insecure at the idea of you losing weight?.

Sometimes the spouse is the first to sabotage the other because they feel you will always stay if you are not at your best... that good ole self esteem..

Also change can just be tough, the losing weight process really has to be selfish, you have to put yourself first and let no one change the course you have chosen..

Hopefully, he will come around, especially when he sees how proud of yourself you become..

We will support you, so hang in there..

Comment #3

Being on Nutrisystem does put more stress on your spouse if you have children in the household, I see it with my wife. Especially if the shift has given him a lot of responsibility he got used to not having to deal with..

On the other side...his response was still lame. Maybe there is more to it than the events themselves. Does he have a weight problem? Is he frustrated with himself rather than you?.

You know your husband better than any of us. I would do what we should all do AFTER we get out of an argument with our significant other. Try to see the argument from their side and find the balance. Usually you are both "right" and compromise can be found, or the "other" things can at least come out in the open and be dealt with.

Good luck!.

Comment #4

Hmm..sorry to hear this. Maybe it's time for you guys to set some 'kitchen duties'. That way, no matter what you, him, or the kids eat, he still has to clean the counters and you still have to wash the dishes. If he's insecure or unhappy about you being on NS, you may have to pull a little more weight in the kitchen to appease him. Talk it out at a neutral time; when both of you are cool headed. See what was behind his mood. Best wishes with that..

Comment #5

When I first read this... my answer would have been to tell him off. >.<.

Now that I had time to step away and take time to think about it, I suggest .

Taking time to step away and think about what took place.

When you remove yourself from the immediate feelings of anger, betrayal, or negativity, sit with him again. Try to demonstrate good listening skills, and then work toward a solution..

"From our conversation, I can see that you seem to feel ________ (that you are taking on more chores etc.) lately since I made a lifestyle change. Is this correct? What can we do so that you feel we are equal partners in the kitchen again AND so I can stay on Nutrisystem without having to feel guilty?" .

Who knows, maybe there is a simple solution! Maybe he would like to be thanked more, maybe he would like you to do some other task in the kitchen so he doesn't feel like the work is all on him now. Of course... maybe he is being a real butthead, but everyone deserves a chance..

Comment #6

I have been in the same boat you have been in. I cook separate meals for my husband while I have my Nutrisystem food too (we don't have kids). With the slow cooker it is easy and because we both work, he can have leftovers during the week that he prepares himself. My hubby has had a lot to get used to in the past year (the nutrisystem thing and my going back for my masters degree). But he got over his hissy fits and has started to come around.

You have to remember you are starting a lifestyle change for YOU not anyone else and sometimes you (and the Nutrisystem community) are your own best cheering section. The others will come around soon enough when they see your commitment to this and how great you look..

Comment #7

You know your husband best, but he sounds like he is just resisting this change and feeling stressed about having to do something he isn't used to. I would sit down sometime when the kids are out of earshot and talk about what upset him, and why you are doing NS. Tell him you to live a long, healthy life with him for many years to come, and that is why you are doing NS-for you, for him, and for your kids. Ask him to help you come up with ideas that work for your family, and hopefully you can create a weekly meal plan that is a good compromise for everyone. And remind him this isn't forever, and eventually you can take back the kitchen duties if you chose to. Though you will cook differently, to keep the weight off, and most of us find our healthy ways rub off on our families if we are to succeed long term. The important thing is to talk when you are both calm and figure out how to prevent another "ruined" dinner for all of you..

Good luck, and please come here for support when you need it. We all know how hard this is, and the support is important for success..

Comment #8

Wow! There are a lot of wise people on this board! Everyone gave great advice and I intend to follow it. I was off from work today, so before he came home, I chopped up the veggies and chicken for their stir fry. He thanked me several times for doing this (which I appreciated) but I still would have liked an apology.

He really does not like change and he does not like planning dinners or cooking for unappreciative kids.

It's so NICE to have the support of the Nutrisystem family! Thank you all for your advice!.

Comment #9

You are welcome Tiredofwork, that is what this board is for and it truly does help to have somewhere that we can vent, ask questions or just chat!!!! Hang in there things will work itself out.

Comment #10

I think that he may be a little insecure. My husband kinda was in a mood and I figured he could just deal with it. Maybe they see the changes for the better or a different attitude and it scares them. Just let him be and do your thing right now. Keep up the good work. Damn, porkchops sound so good.

I just ate the lasagna. It is alright. I think that the breakfast muffins and desert are my favorite right now. Wish you luck..

Comment #11

No problem, that is what we are all here for to support each other. Most men do not like change LOL! ... especially if it affects them personally, but they manage to come around. A great book that helped us deal with all the changes in our life is a management book called "Our Iceberg Is Melting" by John Kotter. It is a book that was written for managers and employees to accept change and deal with it but it can be applied to one's personal life as well. If you and your husband read it together (as we did) maybe it will help. After all you starting on Nutrisystem is a change..

Comment #12

Isn't that funny...the lasagne is my favorite - I wish I'd gotten more than one in my first box. And for breakfast, I like the cereals/granola/oatmeals the best - probably because that's what I was used to eating (but in much larger quantities!) Have you tried the Sweet and Sour Chicken? That is the only Nutrisystem meal that I cannot stomach. Of course, I got 2 of them, so the other is going in the garbage..

Thanks for the advice...sometimes I think that men are a whole different species..

Comment #13

Thanks for the book idea - not only are things changing at home, but things are changing at work, too. So lots of discomfort right now.

Can I ask for more advice? Our anniversary is coming up in 2 weeks and my husband wants to go out for a nice meal. Should I delay the date or try to have just a salad?.

Comment #14

Is there an entree you can share.. a relatively healthy one?.

My husband does that with me all the time when we go out..

It seems romantic to share the food and that way you know your portions are better..

Just a thought..

Comment #15

We are living in parallell universes! We have had a major change at my job in that my boss got transferred to our Boston Campus in May and we have an interim president running things until our new permanent president starts on Monday. I have only been at my job less than two years and I have to prove myself all over again to yet another person. I am also going to school online for my MBA in my spare time (If that doesn't make you want to reach for Ben & Jerry's I don't know what will LOL!)..

As for your anniversary, what I would suggest is just have a salad plus an appetizer or one protein appetizer and one veggie appetizer that is Nurtisystem friendly. Appetizer portions are small enough. For dessert share a plate of fresh fruit salad (most restaurants have that choice). Going out isn't as scary as many people think. It's all about making the right choices on the menu (if you have been on the Nutrisystem plan long enough ... you "own" the diet and know what to do) and don't be afraid to ask for the protein to be cooked without oil or the dressing on the side or ask to eliminate whatever isn't on the plan. Happy anniversary and enjoying each other's company will take center stage over what's to eat!.

Comment #16

Does your husband need to lose weight too? If he does he could just be feeling a little left out or insecure about himself..

Comment #17

Thanks! I will see if I can look at the menu on-line to see what's healthy..

Comment #18

Wow! You know your stuff. I have only been on the plan for 2 weeks, so I am afraid to go off plan...afraid that it will lead to a major detour..

Comment #19

He needs to lose about 10 lbs, but he never will because he won't give up beer and chips. I think he is just lazy. He doesn't want to cook everyday, but who does?????.

Comment #20

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This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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